I only know that it has been a completely revolutionary event in my life. Those who know me well know that I am a very emotional, sensitive person. For some reason, I have always believed that those traits were negative and should be changed if at all possible. God has done a work in my life, however, to show me that just maybe He created me that way. Yes, I feel things more deeply and strongly than the average person, but that's okay. I may feel pain more deeply, but I also feel joy more deeply. I may feel hurt more than most when criticized or berated, but I also feel wondrous peace when I'm in the presence of the King.
So, this move has brought about a tirade of emotions - all good and all bad - all at one time. The saving grace has been the fact that this move was so obviously a "God thing." Having a bad experience a few years back, Chris and I were more than a little nervous to venture out. However, God did amazing things to make our move not only possible but also unbelievably quick and effortless. We were moved before we knew what happened and God knew it needed to be that way.
We have moved here to pastor a church. A church that had gone through a really hard time. Many people had left due to hurt feelings, differences in beliefs and feelings of betrayal. The few faithful that were left were sweet folks, but they were hurting also and they were scared. When we began to minister here, almost a year ago, we didn't know what to expect. Could this church be revived? Did God want revival in this town? Were the hurts too deep, the pain too great ... or could it be that God was working behind the scenes to do a greater work?
We traveled back and forth to services twice a week - 80 miles one way. It was a fun, difficult and exhausting time. There were days that I just didn't think I could continue doing it. However, God always restored my strength and my health and made a way.
In the meantime, the church began to feel life again. They realized that they were loved by a man and his family that really cared about them. They began to respond. Slowly. But response it was. God began to change hearts, bringing in some new folks and letting others go. It was one miracle after another, watching God work behind the scenes.
God continued to give my husband and I scripture after scripture to assure our hearts. We checked our emotions at the door as we followed hard after God and the course He had set before us. It wasn't going to be easy, but it was so obvious. We knew some would not understand. We knew some might be hurt, although that was never our intention, and we knew that we would have to say some tough good-byes. I was reminded again and again about giving my all to Him. One night, I lamented about leaving my house. It was spacious, carried a lifetime of memories of raising three kids and so much more. God reminded me of Matthew 19:29 (AMP):
"And anyone and everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands for My name’s sake will receive many [even a hundred] times more and will inherit eternal life."However... I had to let it all go. I had to leave my house, my parents, my city, my church, my brother and my son. I had to say good-bye and be ready to start a new life, in a city, in a new house, in a new church. I can say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God is faithful, however. He has directed our steps, helped us get settled into our new house and continues to show us His faithfulness day after day.
I don't know what tomorrow will hold. I only know that I am in this to please Him. If you are struggling today with giving 100%, I encourage you today. Go ahead and go for it. Let God have His way and watch what He will do. You will be amazed and thrilled at what He will do on your behalf.
"Behold, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs forth; do you not perceive and know it and will you not give heed to it? I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." (AMP) Isaiah 43:19
